It’s so difficult to deal with depression especially in this day and age, being inundated with ads online that promise to eradicate your depression and enhance your life. I miss the old Facebook and even MySpace where you could browse and not have to be flooded by ads determined by algorithms. I would like to just see what my friends who live far away from me are doing and what events may be coming up in my area. I don’t need to buy supplements, cheap clothes, cheap perfume, or contribute to any political campaign. Politics is particularly tiresome now with Republicans pretty much doing anything they want and Democrats complaining about it but not doing anything about it. I’m done. I’m a disgusted Liberal. I was disgusted by Republicans (still can be) but now also Democrats who don’t do a damn thing but collect a paycheck and great job benefits.
The hardest thing about depression is being able to do all the things you are supposed to do to address it: workout five days a week, avoid alcohol, avoid carbs, socialize, and get enough sleep. What do you do if you are stuck in a small town with no friends and a job that expects you to work for free over the weekends? Also, along with depression, can come a complete lack of energy. I know it’s a vicious cycle: you need to exercise to get energy but you need energy to exercise! How is that? Why are our bodies made this way? You need energy to get energy. Maybe that’s why so many people use meth.
And why do we have this so-called set point with our weight? No matter how much less I eat, whether I have been sick with a stomach flu, etc., I end up weighing exactly the same. I have gone to a personal trainer and tried to work out regularly which did make me feel stronger, but did nothing about my weight. That’s what lead to me to try Ozempic for weight loss.
Initially, I was excited by how quickly I lost weight and my stomach, where I put on weight the most, actually deflated a bit. I learned quickly that I must drink a lot of water and not eat anything high in fat. If I overate, I would often be both sick and constipated like I have never been in my life. After I lost about 17 pounds, however, the weight loss stopped, and I noticed that I just felt stagnant. I didn’t realize how much of an effect Ozempic had on me until I went to visit family for a holiday. My family was happy to see me and we were exchanging presents. Everyone was happy but me. I felt nothing. Maybe impatient, and annoyed. Just empty. This was a huge change for me. I love the holidays. I love giving and getting presents. That’s when I knew I was in trouble.
I also began to have suicidal thoughts. No plans, but actual thoughts of how if I died, I could escape this misery. The only things that kept me alive were my cats. I worried who would care for them and if they would be split up, etc. I couldn’t leave them behind.
Of course, I no longer take Ozempic and have since gone to see a shrink for antidepressant medications which still have not restored me to where I was before Ozempic but have helped considerably. I do not have suicidal thoughts any longer and do have some good days here and there.
I have since read that for a small percentage of people, Ozempic is linked in some way to depression. It may be that the pleasure centers of the brain are dampened to such as degree that a person can’t enjoy food or anything else, for that matter. I had no idea the impact Ozempic would have on me and if I had known, I wouldn’t have taken it.
Now, trying to get out of the depression is a challenge. What sparked this online rant is that I just completed a questionnaire about depression and they were asking about exercise, sleep, diet, weight, and stress levels. It almost feels like people with depression are being blamed for not having the energy to exercise one hour daily, eat a low-carb diet, weigh a normal weight, and manage stress. Some days I have to talk myself into showering, dressing, and going to work much less adding on a workout or some kind of social event. There is some kind of brain chemistry involved in mood change and it can be affected by your activities, but it will not magically launch you out of a depression.
I am getting better over time but it’s rare I have days where I feel like my old self again. I cling to those days, hoping for more to come in the future.
Percolations 